My husband recently accused me of being a hotel snob. I wanted to fight this label but somewhere not so deep inside, I knew he was right. So I’ve decided to own it. In the words of a dear friend, ‘I have a fear of substandard hotels’.
I’d like to clarify upfront that it’s not about the hotel brand, it’s the experience that matters. I’ve had the best of stays in the smallest of hotels and less than stellar stays in the so called premier, luxury ones. I love boutique hotels and inns and have often wondered how it would be to stay at the Dragonfly (Gilmore Girls fans will know what I am referring to).
Upon check in, my heart beats just a little faster and swings back and forth between excitement and anxiety.
Anxiety: Will they get it right the first time? Will I have to fight for a room that is not facing a parking lot because that’s not what I had in mind when I had selected ‘room with a view.’
Excitement: Maybe I’ll fall in love with the room right away!
Anxiety: Will my room be next to the elevator? Will it be too far from the elevator?
Anxiety: What if the room has a hutch? Shower curtain?
Excitement/Anxiety: Why do we have to leave already?
People, the struggle is real.
Snobs are made of these:
Bed linens. None of those floral coverlets please. Floral = dirty. No bold graphics either. No blankets – I shudder as I type. Crisp white sheets that are cool to the touch – simple. I can sleep on any pillow, I rarely order anything from the very civilized ‘pillow menu’ that some hotels have. And while a high thread count is a plus, I can survive with lower TCs – because I’m not THAT high maintenance.
Bathroom. Bright bathrooms with big mirrors. Marble is preferred but really anything will do. Just no chipped tiles and dirty grout. And absolutely no shower curtains.
Furniture. Much like my own aesthetic, less is more, simpler is better. Overly bulky couches, beds, curvatures and things like the hutch or credenza give me heartburn. Anytime I see that in a hotel’s pictures it raises a red flag. Think musty.
Personal notes and touches. In today’s digital world, who doesn’t love a personal, handwritten note? And don’t tell me that the swan shaped towel on the bed didn’t make you smile. Sometimes I feel guilty when I use the towel, did I kill the swan? Was I supposed to leave it as-is out of respect for the chambermaid? Anxiety again.
The people. There’s no substitute for humans who seem like they truly care about your stay but don’t get in your personal space. It’s a fine line. Add to that someone who addresses you by name – even if pronounced wrong – BINGO! Those that try to sell me a timeshare, you’re dead to me. RIP Billy at Marriott Kauai. I’m suspicious of overly enthusiastic and familiar people – kindly stay away.
Free stuff. A girl’s gotta get some freebies, I’m brown after all! Whether it’s complimentary drinks and/or hors d’oeuvres at the lobby bar or M&Ms, who doesn’t love a little present at the end of a long day – adults and children alike.
This list could go on and on. I have some loved ones who judge based on toiletries and hoard the good ones. Because let’s face it, they paid for them and who doesn’t need 50 small Molton Brown shampoos/shower gels for ‘guests’? Other snobs need a spa – I find the prices so high that there’s no way I’d be able to relax while getting that signature hot stone massage. On the contrary, I’d feel like I was being pelted with stones.
Staying in hotels is the most wonderful experience, I’ve been fortunate to have some memorable vacations since I was a young girl. This post is intended to be more humorous than entitled. While I always be a little picky, the first emotion I’d like for my kids to take away is gratitude.
